I can remember since High School, I've always wanted kids. Maybe even more than I wanted a wife. Some things happened along the way and I may have lost my way. Relationships that didn't work out. Being too focused on what to do with my life. I won't go into the extracurricular activities. But I always wondered what it would have been like to have a kid of my own.
I remember when my first nephew came along, Chubby Cheeks! First grandchild from seven kids. It was a good time. Then came my niece. She was a screamer and grew to have an awesome voice. We all know how cool it is, swing by for a visit, play around, then as they start to get cranky ... oops, time to go! I remember when my little sister had her first. Geez, he's a cute kid. I love all my nieces and nephews. All 'n all, there are 5 nephews, 7 nieces, 3 grand nieces, 2 grand nephews, and one on the way! This isn't to mention all my friends' kids which I consider to be my nieces and nephews, too. It's been cool to watch them all grow. I've been bless because in many ways they've shown me what it is to live.
It's hard to explain what happened with my plans except to say they didn't quite work out as I had hoped. The last dozen years were like a haunting dream. Sometimes, with passing years, I get lonely for the women I dreamt of and for the children I wish I had. I'd like to think I would've been a good father. I'll never know. I don't think it would be fair, being as I am. I can't say there's a hole in my heart but there's definitely a yearning.
I can't and don't want to look back and fill my life with should've, could've, and would've stories. My life is what I make of it. I may not have kids of my own but I love my nieces and nephews just the same. I thank my brothers and sisters for doing an awesome job.
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