Mornings ...

Like the one ant that feels like fifty
I twitch and shake
At least I'm thankful
For I'm awake
Yet I question why I feel so
Answers they say I already know
I was never before this way
I stood tall no longer the case
I had fight, courage, belief
Now I coward, hide, no seek
Oh tell me why I shake, I'm weak
So afraid, timid I speak
Visions of demise have grown numb
Fatal thoughts of suicide dumb
A burden I wish not to become
My whining to stop, It's done
Get past this feeling
I will, no mistake
If I can hold on
Get past this quake
I want what I was once before
Shy confidence, ready to sore
Willing, trying, I explored
So what am I doing
How do I fix, reconnect
My mind knows
Yet has no affect
I tremble and shake inside
I know I can no longer hide
One or fifty little ants
Watch me move the rubber tree plant


             ...Take on the day! ...
                      WWIII

A Moment ...

In a simple moment
That's all it takes
Within that moment
Comes a twist in faith
All's going well
Then with the power of thought
Your world is turned
Bottom to top
Fear it if you like
It will do no good
It is what it is
Do what you should
Bull by the horns
A glass of Lemonade
A stitch in time
The milk stayed in place
Look in your heart
Have faith in you
There's positive in Hope
Believe you'll pull through


                            ... of Doubt ...
                                  WWIII


                                

Inherit ...

Through the generations
Many things are learned
Much love is given
And some love is earned
No different than other families
Yet far from being the same
Our burdens may some how differ
But do we share any shame
Past generations influence us
Our present day in conflict
Tomorrow hopes to be better
As knowledge of history predicts
We are that who we are
Trying to be all we can
Doing which we think is right
For a bright future Our Plan


                      ... Inherent
                             WWIII
                             1/30/07

Sleep never more

Darkness grows within me
I try to fill it with light
The thoughts that occupy me
Defeat me night after night
As a playground left unattended
My demons come out to play
My Heart knows better of me
Somehow keeps them all at bay
Images that have plagued me
Hopes for the nightmares to end
The sleep that has escaped me
I fear will go on a binge

Willis ... Wilma...

I came across a post last night. It was one that seems to have been burning in my heart lately. I in no way mean to make light of the issue. I know this is a very sensitive subject for many. I just wanted to share my story.

I can remember since High School, I've always wanted kids. Maybe even more than I wanted a wife. Some things happened along the way and I may have lost my way. Relationships that didn't work out. Being too focused on what to do with my life. I won't go into the extracurricular activities. But I always wondered what it would have been like to have a kid of my own.
I remember when my first nephew came along, Chubby Cheeks! First grandchild from seven kids. It was a good time. Then came my niece. She was a screamer and grew to have an awesome voice. We all know how cool it is, swing by for a visit, play around, then as they start to get cranky ... oops, time to go! I remember when my little sister had her first. Geez, he's a cute kid. I love all my nieces and nephews. All 'n all, there are 5 nephews, 7 nieces, 3 grand nieces, 2 grand nephews, and one on the way! This isn't to mention all my friends' kids which I consider to be my nieces and nephews, too. It's been cool to watch them all grow. I've been bless because in many ways they've shown me what it is to live.

It's hard to explain what happened with my plans except to say they didn't quite work out as I had hoped. The last dozen years were like a haunting dream. Sometimes, with passing years, I get lonely for the women I dreamt of and for the children I wish I had. I'd like to think I would've been a good father. I'll never know. I don't think it would be fair, being as I am. I can't say there's a hole in my heart but there's definitely a yearning.

I can't and don't want to look back and fill my life with should've, could've, and would've stories. My life is what I make of it. I may not have kids of my own but I love my nieces and nephews just the same. I thank my brothers and sisters for doing an awesome job.   

 

 

Waking up in the morning ...

A reminder for those who pray~

Heavenly father thank you
For the moments we are about to receive
For the Sun in my face
The air which we breathe
Thank you for the blessing
Of Family and friends
To appreciate what's given
Not knowing when it'll end
To my friends who don't believe
Thank you as well for you help me see
Each path is our own
What will be , will be
Take nothing for granted
For when it's gone, it's gone
Cherish every moment
They're not very long
Don't hesitate to share
what it is you feel
You'll brighten the day
For having been real
~ To thy self be true ~
                WWIII

By your side ...

Been in an abyss of feelings
Know not where to turn
Search for the lightness of being
Each path scorned and burned
Emotions have run rabid
Uncontrollable at best
Lived a thousand deaths or more
Yet No further in the quest
The sleepless days
The troubled nights
The restless mind
Struggles for what wrong and right
Far from being Fallen
Try to rise from the depth
Enlighten from this state of mind
Thankful for those who kept this life abreast

~ ... we got you! ~
             WWIII