Thoughts in ...

As thoughts race about
Ravaged is my mind
My body trembles
Like a race against time
Breathe to a pace
Slow and easy
Before I get light headed
Dizzy and Wheezy
Nothing can hurt me
Just the beginning of thoughts
Finish on the upside 
Positively Wrought
This will become me
If I fall to the fear
If I can't change directions
If I can't get my mind clear
Ifs will not happen
I have made my choice
Fear not wave not
There's no quiver in my voice
It's OK,
I'm gonna be OK,
Everything is OK
I'm OK

           ... Process

By Grace ...

Forgive me
I did not know
I spoke too soon
Now filled with sorrow
Unburden this weight
Let me begin anew
Eyes wide open
Arms and Heart too
I begin a new path
Not forgetting the old
Lessons learned
Stories to be told
I don't travel alone
I now know this
I'm with everyone
I've hugged, touched, and kissed
They are part of me
Like the ripples in the water
Reverberating in my soul
Giving me strength and power
The mistakes I've made
The process to become better
For my lessons to learn
I only hope I can weather
With all I learned
They've taught me to be kind
I've learned to share
And to speak my mind
The purpose is life
Not the meaning there of
The goal is to live
Inspire and share the love
I know this now
My wealth is family and friends
Blessed with the moments
A beauty that Transcends

                     ... I shall ...
                         WWIII

Choose To Do ...

Thankful is my heart
Peaceful at times
With kindness in my actions
I compose this rhyme
Confused with my dailies
anticipating attacks
I bring life to basics
A freedom I lack
To be or not
Isn't a question to ponder
Just be yourself
Allow your heart and mind to wander
Concerned with the nine to five
I completely understand
What we do with the other 16
defines you as only you can
What you choose in this moment
will lead to and affect
Choose to be positive
Kind to you and others with every step
Your character defines you
and yet in actions get caught
We are not perfect nor claim to be
We can learn better than what's taught
Growth in Spirit,
Mind and Soul
Seek to enlighten
Knowledge never too old

                       ... what you ask of yourself...
                                       WWIII

Monday Migraine

Though the moment has past
I know it's not over
My visions are with me
No matter how deep in the covers
The shakes, the tears
To the ringing in my ears
To blurred sight, can't hear right
Yeah, who really cares, right
They're just my fears
I'll overcome
I'll ask for help
When the headache's done

From one moment to next
With one life to live

Take what I can
Hope I have more to give

                  ... just a little rougher

                               WWIII

Worship

Sunday morning
A clear brisk day
Time to get started
And be on our way
Thankful for the gift
The moments to be had
With positive thoughts
This day's gonna be rad
Share with as many
A mindful wish
With a positive attitude
A hug or a kiss
Walk with me
As we take on this day
Side by side
On our journey's way

        ... Celebrate and enjoy life...
                           WWIII

Another day ...

With a morning yawn and stretch, I pray
Thankful for another bless filled day
I hope to break the habits of old
Love myself then others my goal
To rid myself of the negative trolls
Surround myself with loving souls
Let go of what ails and takes
Hold on to what's real and fate...
Fate of not what happens in life
Fate in what we choose to live life right
Find Happiness in kindness
And let this flow free
Dance with the Happiness
And live and let be
Let this guide you
To your ever lasting light
The purpose for living
Is for you to live a life
               ... one step closer
                              WWIII

Good Morning ...

Arise this moment
And greet the day
With a smile in your heart
Repeat as I say
Thankful for this Moment
I've been given another chance
To share the Love in heart
And to help do what's asked
To live life
The best we can
To find love with self
And to Love as we can
To place our happiness first
Then lead with kindness
To act with compassion
And with good conscience
Join with me
As we share this Day
Be thankful, Be joyful
For come what may 

              ... How are you ...
                        WWIII

err to live ...

I woke this morning with a shortness of breath
In many ways victorious, again I elude death
I fight for every breath, every moment I get
For every chance I can feel the love I get
Thankful, joyful, appreciative I be
To have what I have and to have it as me
I share this joy and express this to you
Thanks for being in and blessing my life
Thanks for all you do by being you

                          ... air to breathe
                                  WWIII

Get Up ...

Rise and shine
Wipe the sleep from your eyes
Greet the new day
With Hope and a smile
The adventure before us
Is about to unfold
Have faith in yourself
Hold on to your soul
Put a dance in your step
Move with a rhythm you know
Random dance with the day
Show kindness where you go
Rejoice in the beauty
That surrounds us everyday
Give praise to those who support us
And return the favor with grace

                     ... Get at 'em
                               WWIII

Don't be shy and hide ...

Today I rise

With a sense of pride

Proud of who I am

Happy you're by my side

I'll take this with me

and greet the day

Stronger, wiser, 

and still I'll pray 

Not a leaf in the water

I don't float and bobble

More like the water 

Powerful and subtle

Rise with as we become

Kind hearts 

True hearts

Each and 

Everyone

         ...  smile bright

                       WWIII

Die Later ...

Over a thousand deaths I've seen ...
Dying young was more than dreams
A haunting theme it has become
To death with dying old or young
Life is for the living and joys it brings
All things possible if your mind will sing
As for the statement and it's deathly woe
Live, be happy, let others know ...

                       ... Live Now

Who's that ...

Mirror mirror on the wall
Tell me how to stand proud and tall
Thoughts I believed in, questioned
How do I answer the call
A cover up act
No make up, No mask
I see who I see
Questions I have, who do I ask
Do I believe in myself
Do I believe what I share
Do I love myself
To truly be here
The thoughts that have plagued me
The visions I could not share
Discover what was hidden
Do I even dare?
I care not how others see me
I thought I was all here
I come to find what's missing
In front of the mirror, a cold stare
Void of the Warmth and Passion
A shell timid and scared
I had become as my visions
My death was right here
Here as I stand before you
This Mirror hides no lies
I had slowly been dying
And still I hide these cries
Not seeking for approval
I search to understand
Rid myself of hauntings
And live the best I can
Mirror I stand before you
For help please take my hand
Together please guide me
I want to be a better man


             ... I see
                     WWIII

I am ...

Thankful I am
for here I stand
Thankful I am
because I think I can
Believe in my heart
Trust in my soul
Doubt not what I feel
Doubt not what I know
The Love I have for others
Do I share with my self
The help I offer others
Would it help what's dealt
A change of perspective
Provides a different view
How one chooses to see it
Will become one's truth
Think positive, be kind
That's the rule
Not only towards others
Include yourself too
Thankful I am
For I am here
Thankful I am
Together we share


           ... thankful
                    WWIII

Thankful ...

As I reflect back upon life
I can see the choices I've made
Not right or wrong
Not good or bad
Choices on a decision
That needed to be made
I stand by each and every one
For they were in the moment
These choices and decisions
Have lead me to a path here
With you ... I'm thankful for this
I'm reminded that it's not wise
To keep looking back
You can't change what happened
You don't want to be stuck
Have faith and move forward
Put yourself first with your love
Be thankful for today
and all who are in it
Think positive, be kind
enjoy life and get with it


              ... to be here, with you! ...
                           WWIII

Thoughts become you ...

Moments ... we embrace and love
Moments ... we lost and shrugged
Moments ... all at a chance
Moments ... gone with a glance
Moments ... strong and true
Moments ... a perspective view
Moments ... a Frame of mind
Moments ... a memory of time
Moments ... for what you choose
Moments ... a definition of you

          ... in a moment.
                       WWIII

Mornings ...

Like the one ant that feels like fifty
I twitch and shake
At least I'm thankful
For I'm awake
Yet I question why I feel so
Answers they say I already know
I was never before this way
I stood tall no longer the case
I had fight, courage, belief
Now I coward, hide, no seek
Oh tell me why I shake, I'm weak
So afraid, timid I speak
Visions of demise have grown numb
Fatal thoughts of suicide dumb
A burden I wish not to become
My whining to stop, It's done
Get past this feeling
I will, no mistake
If I can hold on
Get past this quake
I want what I was once before
Shy confidence, ready to sore
Willing, trying, I explored
So what am I doing
How do I fix, reconnect
My mind knows
Yet has no affect
I tremble and shake inside
I know I can no longer hide
One or fifty little ants
Watch me move the rubber tree plant


             ...Take on the day! ...
                      WWIII

A Moment ...

In a simple moment
That's all it takes
Within that moment
Comes a twist in faith
All's going well
Then with the power of thought
Your world is turned
Bottom to top
Fear it if you like
It will do no good
It is what it is
Do what you should
Bull by the horns
A glass of Lemonade
A stitch in time
The milk stayed in place
Look in your heart
Have faith in you
There's positive in Hope
Believe you'll pull through


                            ... of Doubt ...
                                  WWIII


                                

Inherit ...

Through the generations
Many things are learned
Much love is given
And some love is earned
No different than other families
Yet far from being the same
Our burdens may some how differ
But do we share any shame
Past generations influence us
Our present day in conflict
Tomorrow hopes to be better
As knowledge of history predicts
We are that who we are
Trying to be all we can
Doing which we think is right
For a bright future Our Plan


                      ... Inherent
                             WWIII
                             1/30/07

Sleep never more

Darkness grows within me
I try to fill it with light
The thoughts that occupy me
Defeat me night after night
As a playground left unattended
My demons come out to play
My Heart knows better of me
Somehow keeps them all at bay
Images that have plagued me
Hopes for the nightmares to end
The sleep that has escaped me
I fear will go on a binge

Willis ... Wilma...

I came across a post last night. It was one that seems to have been burning in my heart lately. I in no way mean to make light of the issue. I know this is a very sensitive subject for many. I just wanted to share my story.

I can remember since High School, I've always wanted kids. Maybe even more than I wanted a wife. Some things happened along the way and I may have lost my way. Relationships that didn't work out. Being too focused on what to do with my life. I won't go into the extracurricular activities. But I always wondered what it would have been like to have a kid of my own.
I remember when my first nephew came along, Chubby Cheeks! First grandchild from seven kids. It was a good time. Then came my niece. She was a screamer and grew to have an awesome voice. We all know how cool it is, swing by for a visit, play around, then as they start to get cranky ... oops, time to go! I remember when my little sister had her first. Geez, he's a cute kid. I love all my nieces and nephews. All 'n all, there are 5 nephews, 7 nieces, 3 grand nieces, 2 grand nephews, and one on the way! This isn't to mention all my friends' kids which I consider to be my nieces and nephews, too. It's been cool to watch them all grow. I've been bless because in many ways they've shown me what it is to live.

It's hard to explain what happened with my plans except to say they didn't quite work out as I had hoped. The last dozen years were like a haunting dream. Sometimes, with passing years, I get lonely for the women I dreamt of and for the children I wish I had. I'd like to think I would've been a good father. I'll never know. I don't think it would be fair, being as I am. I can't say there's a hole in my heart but there's definitely a yearning.

I can't and don't want to look back and fill my life with should've, could've, and would've stories. My life is what I make of it. I may not have kids of my own but I love my nieces and nephews just the same. I thank my brothers and sisters for doing an awesome job.   

 

 

Waking up in the morning ...

A reminder for those who pray~

Heavenly father thank you
For the moments we are about to receive
For the Sun in my face
The air which we breathe
Thank you for the blessing
Of Family and friends
To appreciate what's given
Not knowing when it'll end
To my friends who don't believe
Thank you as well for you help me see
Each path is our own
What will be , will be
Take nothing for granted
For when it's gone, it's gone
Cherish every moment
They're not very long
Don't hesitate to share
what it is you feel
You'll brighten the day
For having been real
~ To thy self be true ~
                WWIII

By your side ...

Been in an abyss of feelings
Know not where to turn
Search for the lightness of being
Each path scorned and burned
Emotions have run rabid
Uncontrollable at best
Lived a thousand deaths or more
Yet No further in the quest
The sleepless days
The troubled nights
The restless mind
Struggles for what wrong and right
Far from being Fallen
Try to rise from the depth
Enlighten from this state of mind
Thankful for those who kept this life abreast

~ ... we got you! ~
             WWIII

Mirror, Mirror ...

My life is perfect
There's no reason to complain
That which I dislike
I'm welcome to change
A perspective to embrace
A way to make life's choices
To listen to your gut
And follow your heart's little voices
From the Love of Family
To the Support of Great Friends
I have all that I need
To make the best of Life's trends
I know there'll be moments
Life's events aren't all grand
I'll have to rise above it
Understand it and stick to the plan
Up and downs
Happiness and sorrow
It all depends
On our choices for tomorrow
I'll do all I can
Keep thinking to make life better
I'll smile and be kind
Even through stormy weather

                 ~ ... Hear this call ~
                             WWIII
            

Impotant

Been afraid to do lately
Been afraid that I'll die
Silly me, it's a fact of life
Do I want to not having tried
Can't live life in fear
Must live happily revered
Not for items obtained
For the inspiration that's shared
What's stopping me are thoughts
They weigh heavy at times
Holding me in
A prisoner in my mind
Confusion, depression
Just words to hear
The thoughts and anxiety
Are what's feared
Worried of what ifs
And afraid to do
Building of barriers
To separate and elude
Clarity not a factor
the problem is to act
It's not knowing what's wrong
I'm failing and holding back

~ Step Up! ~
      WWIII

Up from the Ashes ...

I've died thousands of times
All in my mind
I haven't had time
To wonder and ask why
A loss for words
How could I be so petty
For what ails my mind
Hold on, Be ready
Have strength to believe
Have Knowledge to see
And Most of all
Act kindly on creating
The deaths be told
Are mine alone
Visions I wish not
To see yet own
I fight when I shouldn't
I need not be afraid
Visions be dammed
I'll rise, stronger unscathed

~ Hope, Faith, and Courage ~
                     WWIII

All Day! Every Day!

Turmoil and stress
May have filled the year
To focus on such
Would miss all that was shared
Blessed is my life
Fortunate to have you care
For all who I've called on
I'm glad you were there
The joy of family and friends
Good times and heartache
Together through it all
With Love and whatever it takes

~ up for another year
                WWIII

The Love of Life

I open my eyes
Not for a peek
I open my eyes
With hope to seek
To find what I'm looking for
An end to a search
Not for a King's riches
Nor his throne to perch
To find peace and solace
Like the moment of birth
The innocence, the magic
To my mom from the nurse
~ Live in the moment
                       WWIII

 

Journal to a Challenge revisited

 Hi Double Dub checking in.
Nine days in and my challenge is a bust. I did five rides ~ 14.53 miles with Debbie at the Marina
20.68 miles at the  LA River Trail
5.36 miles on the Southern end of the LA River
25.38 miles with Way from Torrance Beach to Marina Del Rey and back. (it should've been 26 miles but ...)
15.98 miles with Dan in Whittier
A total of 81.93 (endomondo has my monthly total at 81.85)
Total for the Endomondo Challenge, which started on April 14, 2013, is 840.56 miles.

Five in nine, Why? Well, I knew I couldn't keep up a pace of twenty miles a day. I'm not in good shape or condition. I started off great, with five rides in six days. My fifth ride was with Dan in Whittier. We had finished around 10PM. Saturday morning had me moaning in pain. Every move I made was like a heart attack. I had slept on my shoulder wrong and had inflamed some muscles in my chest and shoulder. It's a scary feeling! Left hand and arm would go numb, breathing was tight and congested. I kinda knew it wasn't a heart attack, you just know. But I had to take a couple of days off. Which killed me more. Through the suggestions of good friends and family, I made it point to get checked out by my doctor.
I got a "what's going on?" followed by "What the heck are you thinking? Why didn't you go to the Emergency Hospital?" Going through the examination, it was clear that this was muscular inflammation. He was happy to hear of my challenge but cautioned me not to over do it. He also recommended that I stretch before and after each workout and if I would, rest and recuperate a day or two in between. Yeah, there was an exchange of smiles on that one.

So, Although I won't meet my challenge in thirteen days, I did learn a few things. Stretching is important, both before and after each workout. Allow yourself time to rest and recover. And most importantly, If it feels like a heart attack, hurts like a heart attack, and you think it might be a heart attack, respond like it's a heart attack! Go to the ER, or call 911 immediately! I'm not a doctor, you're not a doctor. Don't play one when your life may be on the line. I'm also grateful for what I found. I found out that a lot of people, friends, care about me! I'm sorry to have caused any worry and thanks for being there. Promise, next time, it's straight to the E.R.
Much Love, Carve On!

The Journey

We are here to be tested
To what ends is the key
You may have succeeded
You just need to be set free
Our days may be challenged
They may float by like a breeze
It depends on the perspective
And how much you believe
Release the burdens you've placed upon you
Simplify as need be
Trust, faith, and your belief
Is all you'll ever need
The work can't be done for you
Believe in what you seek
The days will be easier
Climb to the mountains peak
~ WWIII~

13 days ~ 260 miles check that 30 Days ~ 260 miles

Yo Double Dub Checking in.
Coming off a disappointing August, I've made a personal challenge for myself. I promised I would hit a thousand miles in our Endomondo (app) Challenge. I'm currently in 6th place with 758.71, 241.29 miles to go!

I went out on the first of the month with fellow So Cal Carver, Debbie Bumgardner. We were looking to cut up Marina Del Rey! We were hoping to do 20. We chose to meet up on the trail at Centinela Blvd. off the 90 highway and carve in towards Manhatten Beach. The first 3 miles was nothing but work! Facing strong headwinds and a slight grade on the inlet bike trail, this was our warm up. Other than that the route was pretty and smooth.
Our turnaround cut it short cause the Sun was coming down. I can't remember if there was much wind but we were moving. It was a really go ride to kick off this challenge of mine.
Oh, yes, I amended my Challenge. What was I thinking? Twenty a day for thirteen straight?!!! The way I've been feeling, I'd be lucky to get this in thirty. Yeah, You know I'm still gonna try.

Faith for the Day

Being Plagued with "What If's ... "
I turned to my soul
I searched from within
This is what I came to know
It is what it is
Horrible to Great
The point of your perspective
Is what needs to navigate
Nothing too dire
No need to escape
Nothing to fear
Simple, don't complicate
Don't question how it is
Or what it will become
Decide that it is
And work to overcome
We can question all day
And never find an answer
We can have faith in ourselves
And just make the day better